Why him?

My son was born with a health condition that he is going to be challenged with his entire life.  Whew - I said it.  That's our dark, dirty secret.  It's the information that I share with selective family members and close friends.  It's on a need-to-know basis, and so far, we've found very few people who need to know.  I won't go into more detail about his health condition; this IS a public blog and the information will be his to share publically when he's older, or to decide not to share at all.  

We knew at my 36 week ultrasound that something wasn't right.  We didn't realize just how bad it was until he was about 8 months old.  For the past 26 months, my husband and I have asked each other "Why him?", "Why us?", "What did we do to deserve this?" and we don't have any answers. How is it fair that this loving, brilliant, gifted, perfect child has been given this to deal with in his life?  And how are we supposed to talk to him about this and let him know that his life may not be as long as ours?  We don't have answers to these questions either.

I've asked God "why" so many times that, like all parents, He's probably tuned me out now. He's not interested in answering that question for me...at least not yet. 

It wasn't until recently when I started looking back at all of the events leading to now, and thought that maybe I was seeing it all wrong.  Instead of thinking about why God would take my son away from us too early, maybe I should be grateful for having any time with him at all.

If the doctors hadn't ordered the ultrasound at 36 weeks and caught the first sign of an issue, one or both of us wouldn't have survived the delivery.  But they caught it.

When my son was born, he couldn't breathe or eat and was sent to the NICU for a week.  If the nurses and doctors at Lehigh Valley Hospital hadn't taken helped him, he wouldn't have survived the first hours or days of his life.  But they did.

So I have him....for now.  I know I'll still ask "why" and I don't expect an answer.  But as we share more with family and friends, I also know that the volume on the prayers is getting louder.  If love and prayers can heal, then my son will be ok.