So tonight I sit at my computer, wearing a pair of Yoga pants, an oversized sweater, reading glasses and a pony tail. I envision that this is what all great Bloggers wear when they are having moments of brilliance.
I have an entire notebook full of Blogs that I have hand-written over the past year with the intention to post. So now I start. And I hope that the 2 readers who follow me really appreciate the effort that I am making!!
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Friday, September 13, 2013
Independent vs. Self-Reliant
We were lucky to be recently interviewed by our local paper for an article about Cooking with Kids. Not only was I quoted in the article, but they sent a photographer to our house and Kevin ended up with a huge picture of himself in the paper.
This was a HUGE deal for him. He LOVED the attention of family and his teachers. In fact, his head was getting so big with his new fame, that he was actually walking up to to strangers in the grocery store asking if they wanted his autograph. Perhaps in the future, I will have to blog about how we teach modesty and humility to a pre-schooler......
However, his fame is not what I wanted to write about tonight. In the article, I am quoted as saying that I wanted to teach my son how to cook so he could be self-reliant and that I want to raise an independent child. As I read those sentences, I really had to stop myself and think about that. Is that what I really want for my child?
I look at myself and realize I am probably the extreme. I have such a hard time asking anyone for help. It doesn't matter if it is personal or professional. I think that I interpret a request for help as a sign that I am not capable, and that is just not an image I am OK to portray. I think a lot of this has to do with my upbringing.
Everything I am about to write is strictly my opinion, and is not written with any judgement of my parents. I truly believe that parents make decisions based on what they believe is best for their child. That may be driven by their own preferences, their own experiences with their parents, or the goals they have for their child.
My parents raised me to be independent and self-reliant. Why is this a bad thing, you ask? Well, because if you know me, you know I'm the type of person who likes the black and white. I have no room for gray. So when taught self-reliance and independence, I think I took it to the extreme. And as a result, I can only depend on myself.
I bought my wedding dress by myself.
I went on college tours without my parents.
I drove myself (alone) to the DMV to get my driver's license. (This is most definitely illegal, and unless my parents read this blog, they have never known this little fact.)
I have moved myself out of every apartment and home I've ever lived in.
I brought a fragile infant home from the NICU by myself after a c-section with no assistance.
I fight insurance companies, doctors, and a devil of a disease with no help from anyone.
I plan, organize, and orchestrate every detail of our lives so that it is done.
I sacrifice my health and my personal enjoyment to get everything done.
Don't get me wrong....there have been times when I've asked for help....but they are few and far between, and often, I don't get what I've asked for. So I've stopped asking.
I am so self-reliant and independent that I distance myself from the people who love me. And I didn't do this on purpose. It just evolved. And to be clear, this is not a Johnna pity party. (If it was, I would probably have gone to Pinterest to make sure that I had themed invitations, food, beverage, and decorations.) This is me really looking at how I am and what that means in my life.
So when I look at how I want to raise my son, I really do have to ask myself if I want him to be like me. I do want him to be self-reliant....but I am struggling with "independent." I don't want him to be afraid to ask for help, and to build the cushion around him where the people who love him can support him, but he also supports them.
I guess that this is the challenge for all parents. How do we take the best of ourselves and role model that for our kids, while we also look at where we struggle and try to make them better than we are? I'm sure I'm not the first parent to ask themselves this question, rather it was done directly or subconsciously. All I can do is hope that someday my son looks back on his childhood and how I parented, and realizes that everything I've done is to make him into the best person I can.
This was a HUGE deal for him. He LOVED the attention of family and his teachers. In fact, his head was getting so big with his new fame, that he was actually walking up to to strangers in the grocery store asking if they wanted his autograph. Perhaps in the future, I will have to blog about how we teach modesty and humility to a pre-schooler......
However, his fame is not what I wanted to write about tonight. In the article, I am quoted as saying that I wanted to teach my son how to cook so he could be self-reliant and that I want to raise an independent child. As I read those sentences, I really had to stop myself and think about that. Is that what I really want for my child?
I look at myself and realize I am probably the extreme. I have such a hard time asking anyone for help. It doesn't matter if it is personal or professional. I think that I interpret a request for help as a sign that I am not capable, and that is just not an image I am OK to portray. I think a lot of this has to do with my upbringing.
Everything I am about to write is strictly my opinion, and is not written with any judgement of my parents. I truly believe that parents make decisions based on what they believe is best for their child. That may be driven by their own preferences, their own experiences with their parents, or the goals they have for their child.
My parents raised me to be independent and self-reliant. Why is this a bad thing, you ask? Well, because if you know me, you know I'm the type of person who likes the black and white. I have no room for gray. So when taught self-reliance and independence, I think I took it to the extreme. And as a result, I can only depend on myself.
I bought my wedding dress by myself.
I went on college tours without my parents.
I drove myself (alone) to the DMV to get my driver's license. (This is most definitely illegal, and unless my parents read this blog, they have never known this little fact.)
I have moved myself out of every apartment and home I've ever lived in.
I brought a fragile infant home from the NICU by myself after a c-section with no assistance.
I fight insurance companies, doctors, and a devil of a disease with no help from anyone.
I plan, organize, and orchestrate every detail of our lives so that it is done.
I sacrifice my health and my personal enjoyment to get everything done.
Don't get me wrong....there have been times when I've asked for help....but they are few and far between, and often, I don't get what I've asked for. So I've stopped asking.
I am so self-reliant and independent that I distance myself from the people who love me. And I didn't do this on purpose. It just evolved. And to be clear, this is not a Johnna pity party. (If it was, I would probably have gone to Pinterest to make sure that I had themed invitations, food, beverage, and decorations.) This is me really looking at how I am and what that means in my life.
So when I look at how I want to raise my son, I really do have to ask myself if I want him to be like me. I do want him to be self-reliant....but I am struggling with "independent." I don't want him to be afraid to ask for help, and to build the cushion around him where the people who love him can support him, but he also supports them.
I guess that this is the challenge for all parents. How do we take the best of ourselves and role model that for our kids, while we also look at where we struggle and try to make them better than we are? I'm sure I'm not the first parent to ask themselves this question, rather it was done directly or subconsciously. All I can do is hope that someday my son looks back on his childhood and how I parented, and realizes that everything I've done is to make him into the best person I can.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Back to School
Different parents approach back-to-school in different ways. (This is my way of saying that no one way is right or wrong; it's just different.)
I have friends that gathered at our local Panera on the first day of school to have some fellow mom support for the first day of school. Other friends took a Thermos of mimosas to the bus stop on the first day to toast and celebrate the send-off. Some moms will cry as they drop their kiddos off for the first day. No one reaction means we love our kids any more or less than the next parent.
I believe a kid's reaction and excitement both determine how the parent feels, and is somewhat determined by the parent.
I was so nervous about Kevin going to pre-school last year that I think he sensed that. Even though he spent the first two years of his life in daycare, and I left him with a care-giver every day, he didn't deal well with the preschool drop-off. We both dreaded the first two weeks, when he screamed every morning when it was time for me to leave.
This year for Pre-K, both of us were much more comfortable: returning to the same school, having some familiar faces, and more confident that he was ready for the school. And it was great. In fact, by Friday of the first week, he didn't even say goodbye to me at drop off, but ran right off to play with his friends.
And part of me is really proud of me, and part of me was also sad. My little guy didn't need the mommy hugs because he was not nervous. In the end, pride has won out.....but be sure that I get my fill of hugs later in the day.
So you want to know how I was on the first day of school?? Well, as with most things about me, the reaction was mixed. Part of me was sad because I saw a little boy where my toddler was last year. He's growing up too fast. But then I look at him and realize how lucky we are to have him as healthy as he is today so he is able to attend Pre-K and I'm very grateful. In a life so filled with unexpected speed bumps, tough decision, and difficult circumstances, I choose the positive. And so, I will watch my little boy go to school every day this year with a smile and very full heart.
I have friends that gathered at our local Panera on the first day of school to have some fellow mom support for the first day of school. Other friends took a Thermos of mimosas to the bus stop on the first day to toast and celebrate the send-off. Some moms will cry as they drop their kiddos off for the first day. No one reaction means we love our kids any more or less than the next parent.
I believe a kid's reaction and excitement both determine how the parent feels, and is somewhat determined by the parent.
I was so nervous about Kevin going to pre-school last year that I think he sensed that. Even though he spent the first two years of his life in daycare, and I left him with a care-giver every day, he didn't deal well with the preschool drop-off. We both dreaded the first two weeks, when he screamed every morning when it was time for me to leave.
This year for Pre-K, both of us were much more comfortable: returning to the same school, having some familiar faces, and more confident that he was ready for the school. And it was great. In fact, by Friday of the first week, he didn't even say goodbye to me at drop off, but ran right off to play with his friends.
And part of me is really proud of me, and part of me was also sad. My little guy didn't need the mommy hugs because he was not nervous. In the end, pride has won out.....but be sure that I get my fill of hugs later in the day.
So you want to know how I was on the first day of school?? Well, as with most things about me, the reaction was mixed. Part of me was sad because I saw a little boy where my toddler was last year. He's growing up too fast. But then I look at him and realize how lucky we are to have him as healthy as he is today so he is able to attend Pre-K and I'm very grateful. In a life so filled with unexpected speed bumps, tough decision, and difficult circumstances, I choose the positive. And so, I will watch my little boy go to school every day this year with a smile and very full heart.
1st day of Pre-School. Fall 2012
1st day of Pre-K. Fall 2013
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